The Holiday Season When You’ve Lost a Loved One

Dear JAMMers,

The holidays have always been my favorite time of the year, but as I get older and life becomes more complicated, the holidays get a little harder, especially after you’ve lost someone important to you.

A couple of years ago, I lost my aunt to COVID. I was extremely close to her, and she is pretty much the reason I love the holidays to begin with. She was Ms. Christmas and always made the holiday season special for me when I was not only a kid, but also an adult. The word “Christmas” was synonymous with “Aunt Maria”, and as I got older, I accidentally found myself with a similar persona. People who know me know that I love Christmas to an unhealthy degree, and I credit my aunt for that. (for better or for worse…)

The last time I saw her before she passed was, in fact, at our family Christmas party. The irony of this is not lost on me and it's taken a while to come to terms with the fact that she died during her favorite time of the year.

And now, for many reasons, Christmas feels a lot different. At first, there was immense sadness around it. And there still is. But this year, I’m trying to be more motivated by her loss than saddened by it. That’s what she would want, and that’s what my niece and nephews deserve. They deserve a magical Christmas just like my aunt gave me.

This motivation also comes from another loss I experienced earlier this year. Back in March, I lost my friend Jon who was only 31 years old. His life was taken from him unexpectedly and in a very public way. (It’s not the best feeling when the death of your friend has its own Wikipedia page…) I thought losing my 65-year-old aunt was peak tragedy, but losing a peer is a whole different type of loss. As cliche as it sounds, his death really did prove that life is short. 

Both Jon and my Aunt Maria were incredibly positive and motivated people who truly lived life to the fullest. As heartbreaking as it is to have lost two amazing people in my life, they both are prime examples of how we should make the most of our days - and the holiday season is the perfect excuse to do just that.

So in their spirit, let’s make this Christmas the best one yet.

Everything’s fine,

Nicole